Just this past Sunday, I wrote a music life reflection based on one of my favorite jazz standards, “ALL OF ME.” The specific focus was on the lyrics that came at the very beginning of the song: “All of me, why not take all of me? Can’t you see I’m no good without you? Because I have sung this song many times, I knew the lyrics, and thought I would take a few minutes to expound on this topic. My point was not to argue against love—just to point out the difference between healthy love and self-assured kind of love.
Giving your all does not mean giving yourself away. Giving your love does not require you to shrink, to abandon the qualities that make you who you are, or to ignore the person God created you to be. Never, ever give anyone all of you! I’m not suggesting that you refrain from loving deeply. Of course, and by all means, love deeply, just never lose yourself in the process. If you give someone all of you, and God forbid, life changes—meaning the one you love walks away, there may be nothing left for you. It will take time to rebuild yourself, because you’ll have to rediscover the person you were before you gave yourself away. Hold on to your identity, your dreams, and your peace—those are gifts you should never surrender. Real love does not require losing yourself. Hold on to your purpose. The best love adds to who you are—it doesn’t erase you. Once you are erased, you walk around like an empty shell. Why? Because you have forgotten who you really are. These three examples of someone who has given away too much, stood out to me:
1. You define yourself through the other person. I recall talking to an acquaintance one day. She asked me the kind of work I did. I told her. I asked her the same question: “What do you do?” She responded, “My husband is a Lt. Colonel.” I want you to think about that response.
2. Your needs, dreams, and voice become secondary, until you don’t recognize what you want anymore or who you are. Sadly, you have actually given up on yourself.
3. When the relationship ends, the emptiness felt in your very soul is evident, because your sense of self was built around someone else. Not only did the person walk away, an important part of you was taken, also.
I have learned that the strongest relationships are not built when one person disappears into the other, but when two whole people choose to walk through life together. Remember, real love does not erase the person you are. Just like a tree, you must remain deeply rooted in self. ❤️
Something to ponder:
How do you remain true to yourself while loving someone else?
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