We were not meant to live this life in isolation. We were created with the need to have meaningful relationships. This is the reason we have friends; however, healthy friendships just don’t happen. They take time. Friendships also require effort, respect, and trust. All are important and needed to have a vital and healthy friendship. You should not have to buy friends or please every whim someone requires of you. Take some time to ask yourself a few questions about a perceived friendship:
• “Is this person taking advantage of me?”
• “Is this person disrespectful to me?”
• “Is this person jealous of me?”
• “Is this person bringing me down?”
• “Is this person competing with me?”
• “Is this person manipulative and inconsistent?”
• “Am I priority in this person’s life or only when I am needed to do something?”
• “Does this person respect me?”
These questions are not easy questions to confront, but they are necessary for gaining clarity as it pertains to a particular relationship you may have. A true friendship does not happen overnight. One must invest time—time talking, laughing, crying, and just sharing experiences together to really get to know one another. If the person is always too busy, believe it! Don’t question it! I remember reading a book where the author had her own perspective on these two words. She stated, “too busy” are words of convenience and they are unconvincing.” I stopped reading to think for a few seconds and reasoned: Why are these two words convenient and unconvincing? It’s simple: We are never too busy to do what we really want to do. Think about that!
A true friendship requires effort. Everything that is done well and is important to you requires effort! Effort means making some things priority, like listening to each other and caring for each other. If there is a disagreement, talk it out—don’t just walk away. Walking away from a friendship without an explanation, reveals flaws in the relationship that were there long before giving up on it. Make an effort to “iron it out!” Putting forth an effort means being there for each other during the good and not so good times. Effort also means understanding and respecting each other’s boundaries, interests, and needs. Without effort, friendships can begin to feel out of balance, meaning one person makes an effort of being consistent by investing in the relationship and the other does not. It takes commitment from all involved to create loyalty, making the friendship more lasting and fulfilling.
A true friendship requires respect for each other. Respect actually forms the foundation of a true friendship. Respect is regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, values, and beliefs of one another. It fosters a healthy environment where both individuals feel valued and supported. One person’s need does not overshadow the need of the other’s when a friendship is built on respect. Respect eliminates the fear of belittlement, judgement, and rejection. It solidifies commitment to the relationship.
A true friendship requires trust. Trust is the foundation that allows one to feel valued, understood, and safe. Both have each other’s best interest at heart. Trust leaves no doubt to the importance of the relationship. Trust provides the safety in sharing deep feelings and emotions without them being shared with someone outside the relationship. Honesty and confidentiality are essential in a healthy and meaningful friendship that is built on trust. Simply put, you might have heard a friend say this to you; “I GOT YOUR BACK!” A genuine connection of trust can’t be built over night. That takes time, too. The connection of a meaningful friendship grows gradually through many shared experiences.
Finally, let’s not forget the deep bond of love that is needed to foster a meaningful friendship. Love is acceptance—love brings out the best in all of us. It inspires us to be kinder, generous, and more understanding. Once time, effort respect, trust, and love are invested in a relationship, you can proudly say, “I have a friend.” Remember that the number of friends you may have is really not that very important. As the old adage goes: “If you have one true friend in a lifetime, you are truly blessed.”
I would love to hear from you?
One in love and music,
June
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